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Dear Seanan

from The Way of Beauty by Via Bella

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Matthew Leger
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about

Parody of "Dear Gina" by Seanan McGuire

lyrics

It’s been a long time, Seanan, since you wrote me
So maybe you forgot how bad I’m screwed
For fourteen years, I swam around that koi pond,
and when I woke, I woke completely nude.

I was trying to support myself,
Clerking, selling humans food,
Then I was cursed by telephone,
Now don’t you think that that was rude?

Now I’m trapped within a series of bad bargains
I owe more favors than I can repay
The King of Cats is laughing, and I’m drowning
Chase scenes are the best part of my day

Did I mention I’m not having fun?
I’m drowning in an undine’s tea
The Queen has transformed all my jeans,
Oh, lucky, lucky, lucky me.

Seanan, I don’t think that you should write me anymore
And Seanan, you should know that I’ll find ways to settle scores
Your old and crumbling farmhouse only has so many doors,
The Luidaeg tells me I’ll be fine without you

I’ve killed four cars, I’m working on a fifth one
My house is full of omens and their friends,
I’ve been elf-shot, turned to wood, and iron poisoned,
And don’t know how this crazy series ends.
You say that I’m a hero now,
And I say “What the hell? No way!”
If ever I escape this book,
I’ll find a way to make you pay.

Seanan, I don’t think that you should write me anymore
And Seanan, you should know that I’ll find ways to settle scores
Your old and crumbling farmhouse only has so many doors,
The Luidaeg tells me I’ll be fine without you

Seanan, do you think that you can win here?
After all, you’re messing with the fae
Seanan, are you sure that you are in the right career?
I think we’d all be better off if you would kindly go away
And before this song is up, I think I just might get my way.
Seanan, darling Seanan, there’s not too much left to say…

It’s been long time, Seanan, since that fish pond.
Who knew that just six books could be this long?
I really hope this finds a way to reach you,
I hope you understand that you were wrong.

I’ve sacrificed, I’ve buried friends
I’ve even had to watch them die.
You little bitch, it’s time this ends
If you play God, I’ll make you cry…

Seanan, I don’t think that you should write me anymore,
And Seanan, you must know I’ll find a way to settle scores
Seanan, I would say you’ve got a lot to answer for
But Seanan, if you quit, I might forgive you

P.S. The night haunts say hello.
Love, Toby

credits

from The Way of Beauty, released April 15, 2018
Lyrics by Erin Bellavia and Merav Hoffman
Music by Seanan McGuire

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Via Bella image

Via Bella Buffalo, New York

Via Bella is a songwriting and performing duo made up of Rand and Erin Bellavia. Their Princess Bride-inspired song "Cliffs of Insanity" was nominated for Pegasus Awards in 2016, 2018, and 2020,

Rand plays guitar. They both sing. Erin’s been known to wear a costume or two. ... more

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